Don't let life pass you by.

I just came back from a really long walk.  I thought it was going to be warm out so I wore shorts.  Once i walked for like five minutes, I was just like..no, no, I can't do this...so I drove back home to change and then drove back to the park. I know..I can be an idiot sometimes.  Anyways, I found that I do most of my thinking either when I'm walking, running, or driving.  It makes sense I suppose.  So, today I was very nostalgic.  I tend to get like that when I'm tired, or relaxed.  It started off with thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.  It scared me how many times I have changed my mind about my future.  I always come to the question of why did I not pursue becoming a doctor.  Sometimes it saddens me that I probably screwed up that prospective career goal by letting life's circumstances interfere.  I guess that is what living is all about though, right?  It's about being happy with who you decide to be, making choices on your own, and dealing with the consequences.  I am who I am today, because of the choices I have made.  My first heart break really screwed up my entire life.  I hate to say that...I despise that time in my life so much.  When I say despise, I am referring to myself, not anyone else.  I get so upset that I let myself be so defeated and that I blamed myself every single day.  I did not deserve that, but these are the things you realize as you grow up.  The people in my life at the time made me realize that, and I don't know what I would do without them.  It amazes me, that we solely connect the heart with love and emotions.  The heart is just an entity that keeps us alive.  So now that I think of heartbreak...maybe it's just our minds telling our hearts that we don't know how to go on, and that message we do feel.  So in the end, our minds are what we need to focus on in times of hardships.  Our minds are what keeps us going, and we decide when we want to just let it all go and be genuinely happy.  This can only happen though the moment you stop blaming yourself and realize that not everyone is going to love you, which is ok!  I also thought a lot about skating and how it's affected my life.  I'm so glad my parents did not let me be homeschooled.  I honestly think there is no need for it.  I love skating with all my heart, and I never regret a second I'm out there.  However, I do believe in an education.  I am so glad I got to experience normal high school and college.  Maybe I don't have a normal college life, but I'm ok with that.  So maybe, skating and my attitude in the past did have an affect on future opportunities, but I don't regret them at all.  That is what life is all about isn't it?...messing up, and finding the strength to start all over again.  I would change nothing in the world for what I have right now.

SPRING BREAK

Life. Is. Splendid.  It's like splenda; sweet, but no calories! Ok so clearly, I've lost part of my sanity this past week.  Here's the deal, I had three exams/midterms this last Wednesday.  American politics was a peace of cake. Art History and my Computer Ethics classes were slightly more intellectually demanding.  My art history class is right before my computer ethics class, so I pulled out my flash cards right before class to study up.  Computer ethics was the class I was most worried about, since computer language to me is like a foreign language.  My art history teacher grabbed my flash cards from me, and I wasn't really worried about getting in trouble for studying for another class in class, but I was worried he wouldn't give them back.  I was desperate, ok!  So he didn't say anything, he just started quizzing me in front of the entire class.  I didn't know anything!  I wasn't embarassed, just panicked.  He kept laughing at me and he finally gave the flash cards back and was like, "I hope you believe in good luck". HAH. Well, needless to say,  my computer ethics exam was really hard.  When the exam was handed out, the entire class started laughing after reading the first question.  My professor is one of those teachers who picks out the most minute details from the text; changing one word from a directly cited sentence and ask if it's true or false.  Luckily, or unfortunately, the true and false questions were basically the fill in the blank questions as well.   So, if I got a true and false wrong, then I got the fill in the blank wrong as well.  What a sly fox, that guy. All I can truly hope for is that luck was on my side.  I think I did pretty well though.  I really wanted to blog earlier this week, in the mayhem.  However, it was one of those times where I had so much to do and was so stressed out, that I either did not have the time to blog, or I didn't have the energy to blog.  I feel the life coming back into me though, and I truly am happy.  I still had two classes today and I could tell spring break was tiptoeing outside the classroom door.  Kyle and I have theater class together and we usually can tell our professor's mood by the way he dresses.  When he pulls out the purple vests and floral shirts, we know it's going to be a feisty class and he's in the mood to talk a lot.  When he is sporting his glasses, we know...he's not in a good mood. So today, he walked in with authentic cowboy boots on...we knew what was up.  He went off on really funny tangents about his childhood and his cell phone.  What a great class.
On another note, it's my spring break and I'm so ready to just skate and chill, and feel like I have time to just breathe.  I'm so excited...let the shenanigans begin. ;)

Adventures in Historic Ellicott

So I just got back from a really spontaneous trip to Historic Ellicott in Old Ellicott City, Maryland.  It's such a cute, old town, or street rather, with a lot of shops and antiques.  I just got up and left, by myself, it's like an hour and a half away.  I haven't been there since I went with my family like a while ago, and I was so upset about a break up I had gone through that I didn't truly enjoy it and realize how beautiful it was.  I know that is so terrible, but you live and you learn.  This time...I lovedddd it, even alone.  I don't usually just go away to places by myself, so when I got there and started walking down the street and everyone was with their families and friends, I felt so weird.  But then I was like, whatever, I'm the same person in a nice place, with or without company, and I'm going to do my thing and enjoy it.  So I went in every single store and bought some really neat things.  I even made some friends with this older family that owned an antique shop that I think I spent like an hour in.  They ended up giving me all these books for like five dollars and told me to come hang out with them more often.  You know, it's enlightening to be able to make friends while simply wandering, and it's meaningful even if you know you are never going to see them again.  I also sat and drank my coffee on a bench for a while since it was so nice outside, and a homeless guy joined me for a while, telling me about how he would find food to feed the birds.  Well, none-the-less, it was nice to have some company :) Well that's the extent to my really random story and experience.  Also, my phone died while I was shopping so I basically lost my only form of navigation and didn't have a phone charger in my car...so it was interesting trying to find my way home.  Luckily while wandering I found a radioshack and just bought a car charger.  haha.  I guess many would say I lost it (it referring to my sanity), but I'd like to say I found it.
:D  Time to study.

Time out

I. Am. Overwhelmed!  I'm sitting sprawled out on my living room floor with my international relations book and notes and flashcards and study guide surrounding me.  I would rather sit and stare at a wall right now than study this.  It's not that I don't find it interesting, but I am just tired of reading.  I'm already so behind in my other classes.  The five class course load is starting to wear on me...and it's only March.  Spring break..save me!  Ok...it's still better than biology.  At least in this class I know that reading the material will equal a good grade.  In biology I could read all I want..or not...and I would leave the exam feeling the same way...defeated.  So..you know...writing about this is actually building my motivation up haha.  Kind of.  I had 4 hours of class today and I skated 2 sessions (my achilles is getting better!) and now it's become one of those study nights where I will read a paragraph and then NEED to make some tea, I'll make a flash card and then NEED to go on facebook, or I will memorize a slide and then NEED to take out the trash.  Take out the trash?..I never want to take out the trash...UNLESS...I'm procrastinating..I'm pretty sure my neighbors know by now when I'm studying...like oh boy, it's going to be a long night...she's taking out the trash again.  I am rambling.  Key point...I'm overwhelmed, tired, and not looking forward to this long night of studying.  I feel like the only leisure/rest time I will be getting until spring break is when I sleep, and even then sometimes I dream about my classes or skating.  Ahhh.
On a muchhh happier note...besides being overwhelmed...I feel good.  My physical therapy is painful, because I keep getting deep tissue massages and they hurt like no other.  However, my achilles is feeling a little better.  I mean, I'm not going to wake up one day with a perfect achilles, but I'll take what progress I can get.  In terms of how I've been feeling in knowing what I want in life, healing over what happened in the past in all aspects, and working towards the future...I solely am starting to believe that time does heal all wounds.  The clock stops for no one, so you better keep up.  Everything you do, the good and the bad, is yours.  You have to take it for what it is and was, and learn from it!
Ok...back to being studious.

Get Yo Sexy On

The doctor's verdict:  I have peri-tendonitis in my achilles.  However, it's the least serious form of tendonitis.  I left with the name of a physical therapist I am now going to see on Friday, a prescription for a topical medication, a suggestion for new skate insoles, and a consensus of being able to skate unless I'm in pain.  So basically, I need therapy, but I can ease my way back into skating, which is fantasticccc news! I'm a thrilled.  I feel like such an adult...it actually scares me.  I've been running around calling all of these doctors, filling perscriptions, making appointments, dealing with insurance....ugh.  Learning how to read my insurance card was terribly embarassing.  Nurse: "So what is your card number?"...Me: "Wait does it have like a letter in it?"...Nurse:"Ok, what is your group number?"...Me:"The really long one?"...Nurse:"Who is the primary holder?"...Me:"Wait. So you want like their name?" I basically wanted to die...but I learned a lot, and felt really stupid at the same time.  C'est la vie.  You learn nothing, by always being perfect.
So today we took a latin ballroom class and it was so awesome!  I don't understand why I have never taken a ballroom class before.  I did ballet for so many years, and ballroom is the complete opposite!  It is so uninhibited and I love it.  Well, at least latin is. Normally I wouldn't like it...but you just got to let it go.  If you're not feeling it, you're not doing it right.
School is going so well!  I love my new major.  I'm about to go study with my friend Lauren; I have soooo much reading to do.  However, my American Politics exam on Monday was more than great.  I freaking aced that thing.  I feel like it's been forever since I left an exam and was like boom...that's how it's done.  I wanted to jump for joy.  I know I'm special, but let me bask in my glory for a second here. I was like speeding through my essay questions, and I got a hand cramp.  So I was like shaking out my hand in the middle of the exam, and the kid next to me had his head in his hand, staring at me.  I gave him a smile.  Pretty sure he hates me, but that's ok.  Well, I'll probably be back on the ice next week and I have some more exams next week, so gotta go study!
*Life is Looking Up*