Don't let life pass you by.

I just came back from a really long walk.  I thought it was going to be warm out so I wore shorts.  Once i walked for like five minutes, I was just like..no, no, I can't do this...so I drove back home to change and then drove back to the park. I know..I can be an idiot sometimes.  Anyways, I found that I do most of my thinking either when I'm walking, running, or driving.  It makes sense I suppose.  So, today I was very nostalgic.  I tend to get like that when I'm tired, or relaxed.  It started off with thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.  It scared me how many times I have changed my mind about my future.  I always come to the question of why did I not pursue becoming a doctor.  Sometimes it saddens me that I probably screwed up that prospective career goal by letting life's circumstances interfere.  I guess that is what living is all about though, right?  It's about being happy with who you decide to be, making choices on your own, and dealing with the consequences.  I am who I am today, because of the choices I have made.  My first heart break really screwed up my entire life.  I hate to say that...I despise that time in my life so much.  When I say despise, I am referring to myself, not anyone else.  I get so upset that I let myself be so defeated and that I blamed myself every single day.  I did not deserve that, but these are the things you realize as you grow up.  The people in my life at the time made me realize that, and I don't know what I would do without them.  It amazes me, that we solely connect the heart with love and emotions.  The heart is just an entity that keeps us alive.  So now that I think of heartbreak...maybe it's just our minds telling our hearts that we don't know how to go on, and that message we do feel.  So in the end, our minds are what we need to focus on in times of hardships.  Our minds are what keeps us going, and we decide when we want to just let it all go and be genuinely happy.  This can only happen though the moment you stop blaming yourself and realize that not everyone is going to love you, which is ok!  I also thought a lot about skating and how it's affected my life.  I'm so glad my parents did not let me be homeschooled.  I honestly think there is no need for it.  I love skating with all my heart, and I never regret a second I'm out there.  However, I do believe in an education.  I am so glad I got to experience normal high school and college.  Maybe I don't have a normal college life, but I'm ok with that.  So maybe, skating and my attitude in the past did have an affect on future opportunities, but I don't regret them at all.  That is what life is all about isn't it?...messing up, and finding the strength to start all over again.  I would change nothing in the world for what I have right now.